Tongue-tied Comic Gifts

'I suppose your wife doesn't understand you.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

No-Work Orange

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Do it yourself books.

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

Shall I be mother?

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Roman Golfer.

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

Grump Horse and Rider

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

"No Bald Games"

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"It's a thongbird."

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

"Bitch."

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

Tongue Tied.

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"