Tongue-in-cheek Jokester Gifts

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

'You may have misunderstood about Yompville being a country club prison.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Shall I be mother?

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Roman Golfer.

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"No Bald Games"

"An olive or a twist?"

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

Summer Reading