Tongue-in-cheek Aficionado Gifts

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

No-Work Orange

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

The Three Doctors.

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Grump Horse and Rider

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

The Cheshire Dog.

"No Bald Games"

Burke and Hare and Hare

"It's a thongbird."

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

M.O.M.A. (Museum Of Missing Art.

'Is throwing a toupee a technical foul?'

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

"Come on and pay for the shopping like a man."

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"

As you know by now know, we received dozens of replies to our request for suggestions to rename Rudy Park's generation. Today, we announce the third-place runners-up. That selection goes to a handful of readers who deemed Rudy's peer group Generation E for entitlement or entitled. Thoughts? I thought he E referred to easy to saddle with the deficit, you cheapskate curmudgeons! What do you think of that?! Solid retort. But we though enough to give it third place. Tomorrow: Our runners-up are anno

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

Kissing Booth

'The gentleman would like to buy you a drink if you'll follow him on twitter, and I'd be really grateful if you didn't explain what that means.'

'Look, just because I work for you, doesn't mean that I like you sir.'