Tongue-in-cheek Lovers Gifts

"It's nearly as valuable as what we'll inherit when your mother dies - that's how much I love you."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Do it yourself books.

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Roman Golfer.

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"He decided to write a travel book..."

"No Bald Games"

"It's a thongbird."

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

'And this is a braille message for the blind.'