Tongue-in-cheek Humor Lover Gifts

"It's a thongbird."

'I'd like to think I've had SOME influence on your life.'

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'

"What Uncle Al meant to say regarding your silly question was 'does a bear use the restroom in the woods'."

No-Work Orange

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Procrastinators Incorporated

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'You had me at hell.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

"What?"

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

The Three Doctors.

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Roman Golfer.

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

The Cheshire Dog.

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"No Bald Games"

Burke and Hare and Hare

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

Canadian Importers - In, Oot.

Grammar. I really wasn't trying to be a wise guy. The teacher asked if anybody could give an example of a conditional phrase, and I said "If you pay me." (Published originally on Nov. 6, 2014.)

Let's play hide-the-sausage!