Tongue-in-cheek Humor Fan Gifts

'You always told me to be honest.'

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"

'Tell him he can the 'Zilla' in his name, but that first part has got to go!'

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

Shall I be mother?

No-Work Orange

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

A Golden Non-Retriever

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Procrastinators Incorporated

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Honey, our pop-up blocker stopped working again."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Internet wedding - 'Apparently, you get a 40% discount if you marry on-line...'

Board on Baby

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Roman Golfer.

'I'm doing a google search to see if I can find someone to open the side door.'

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'