Linguistic Humor Fan Gifts

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Board on Baby

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Torturing the English Language

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"It's a swearbox."

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

"Hair spray"

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Psychiatry. I have an irrational fear of words like "and," "or," "but" and "if"! And, conjunctivitis!

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Shall I be mother?

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

An English and French student converse.

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

Correct Spelling Lane.

"More please."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"Thank goodness, it was only 'light' reading..."

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"What?"

"Pansexual"

"Hey how do you spell Abominable?"