Linguistic Humor Lover Gifts

'The operation was a success, but your colon is now a semi-colon.'

"Wordplay — terrapin. Ouch! Who put that on my chair?"

"For heaven’s sake, Doc, enough with the medical jargon! Just give it to me in plain Dothraki!"

"What?"

"We believe in truth in advertising."

Dyslexic Diets

Canadian Importers - In, Oot.

"If he asks for p*ssy ut's fine, so long as it really is a metonymy."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"It's a swearbox."

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

The Oxford Comma Coin

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

Harmon Silas, calculating the thousand words his picture is worth, wonders what do do with contractions.

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Not that kind of hare, Rapunzel!"

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

Barbed Pen

It was a match made in heaven.