Tongue-in-cheek Critic Gifts

No-Work Orange

"I ran into my newly elected representative and he said to fix things, we'll all have to go through a little pain. I kicked him in the shin."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'We need someone on the outside.'

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

The Three Doctors.

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Roman Golfer.

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"No Bald Games"

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

Burke and Hare and Hare

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

"It's a thongbird."

'I want some lessons in back seat driving.'

M.O.M.A. (Museum Of Missing Art.

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"