Tongue-in-cheek Philosophers Gifts

"The Lord works in mysterious ways and likes to be paid in small unmarked bills"

No-Work Orange

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Procrastinators Incorporated

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

'We need someone on the outside.'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

The Three Doctors.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Roman Golfer.

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

The Cheshire Dog.

"No Bald Games"

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

Burke and Hare and Hare

"He decided to write a travel book..."

"It's a thongbird."

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"Come on and pay for the shopping like a man."

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'

As you know by now know, we received dozens of replies to our request for suggestions to rename Rudy Park's generation. Today, we announce the third-place runners-up. That selection goes to a handful of readers who deemed Rudy's peer group Generation E for entitlement or entitled. Thoughts? I thought he E referred to easy to saddle with the deficit, you cheapskate curmudgeons! What do you think of that?! Solid retort. But we though enough to give it third place. Tomorrow: Our runners-up are anno