Tongue-in-cheek Swordsmen Gifts

'I'm not sure about all the rules, but when you fence with girls you're allowed to try to poke them in the boobs.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Roman Golfer.

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"He decided to write a travel book..."

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"No Bald Games"

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"Bitch."

"He's busy cross-training. He's drinking with his left hand."

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

'Look, just because I work for you, doesn't mean that I like you sir.'

'And this is a braille message for the blind.'