Tongue-in-cheek Traditionalist Gifts

"Come on and pay for the shopping like a man."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Do it yourself books.

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

The Three Doctors.

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"No Bald Games"

The Cheshire Dog.

"It's a thongbird."

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"Bitch."

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

As you know by now know, we received dozens of replies to our request for suggestions to rename Rudy Park's generation. Today, we announce the third-place runners-up. That selection goes to a handful of readers who deemed Rudy's peer group Generation E for entitlement or entitled. Thoughts? I thought he E referred to easy to saddle with the deficit, you cheapskate curmudgeons! What do you think of that?! Solid retort. But we though enough to give it third place. Tomorrow: Our runners-up are anno

Tommy, I have a question for you. I didn't do nothin'. We're missing a scone. Now, no one's accusing you of anything. I swear, you've got the wrong guy. I definitely didn't take a scone when you went to check email because I was super hungry. You have the right to remain silent. I did it!

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'

'The gentleman would like to buy you a drink if you'll follow him on twitter, and I'd be really grateful if you didn't explain what that means.'

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'