Tongue-tied Chuckler Gifts

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'For him, all food is fast food.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Curses on historical perspective.'

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'The chloride co. wants to merge with us. They think we can make salt together.'

'The four scariest words in the English language.'

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

'Do these burgers taste funny to you?'