Toddler Humor Gifts

"Now that I've learned to talk I can't think of anything to say."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Trick or Tweet

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"She's a natural!"

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

Playing in the park....child on a leash.