Childrens Humor Gifts

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Adult Absence Notes.

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

"I'm training him."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I don't like the look of yours...'