Childrens Humor Gifts

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

Adult Absence Notes.

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

"I'm training him."

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I don't like the look of yours...'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??