Child Humor Gifts

"I'm training him."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'It's not fair 'Bogie'...they took away my video camera...did you ever hear them say anything about not hiding behind the shower curtain and filming visitors on the can?'

"No, I don't want a glass of water, but I'm worried that I might want one."

'I don't feel that bad.'

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"There's definitely enough growing room."

'Beats me why, but it's a sensitive subject: Some people will call you a Buffalo while others will call you a Bison...'

"You only said clean up anything we spill. I threw that."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"The economy is slowing down, last night the tooth fairy left me an iou"

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

'I didn't know you had a heated pool!'

Ig and Igloo

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'