Childhood Humor Gifts

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'Has he taken my chocolates?'

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"I'm training him."

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"There's definitely enough growing room."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"You only said clean up anything we spill. I threw that."

"No, I don't want a glass of water, but I'm worried that I might want one."

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

"The economy is slowing down, last night the tooth fairy left me an iou"

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

'I didn't know you had a heated pool!'

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

Ig and Igloo

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Yes, bedwetting can be an issue, but there's no need to make a big deal of it...'

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

"Gee, Mom, these people don't make ME sick."

"For someone who doesn't have a job, I sure have a lot of bosses."

"Stripes are very unfashionable."