Teenager Humor Gifts

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

"I'm training him."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

"Who made this mess?"

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

Toy Grab/Toy Stab.

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"Is there the slightest chance of credit being eased by this weekend?"

'I don't care what your friends are doing. You're not leaving this house until your fix your label, young lady!'

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

'Has he taken my chocolates?'

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

Poetry corner: junior high edition

The kid who learnt about math on the street

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"