Teen Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

"RUN! Here comes the long arm of the law!"

"I wasn't sure about veganism until I saw how much it inconvenienced my parents."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

Hoody Woodpecker.

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"Who made this mess?"

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

Toy Grab/Toy Stab.

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

I'm being cyberbullied. No way. Someone posted my face with a Justin Bieber haircut. Chillax, dude. The hot girls did it to half of the guys in our class. It's cyber flirting. Wow! Glad I wasn't left out.

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

So what if the school took a webcam picture of a kid at home? Emily? They're spying! It's totally over the line! What line?

"Lesson number one about the birds and the bees. . . it doesn't take nine months to download a baby."

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

Newton discovers puberty

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

'Washing dishes, why?'

The kid who learnt about math on the street

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

"Ipod, playstation, trainers,clothes, why couldn't you get me something really useful like condoms?!

Poetry corner: junior high edition

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"

"It's OK...he just passed out."

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."