Teen Humorist Gifts

Pick Your Own Zits.

I'm being cyberbullied. No way. Someone posted my face with a Justin Bieber haircut. Chillax, dude. The hot girls did it to half of the guys in our class. It's cyber flirting. Wow! Glad I wasn't left out.

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

Hoody Woodpecker.

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

"Today I found out a teacher can call on you even if you have location services turned off."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"You can call me a sanitary engineer, but to me it's still taking out the trash."

"RUN! Here comes the long arm of the law!"

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

"Do you really think this will work?"

History 101: 'This class should be easy! I've heard that history continuously repeats itself!'

Good study habits based on honesty will serve you well all your life! Employers look for trustworthy people who don't cheat! Values Assembly. Who's she talking about? It sure doesn't apply to me. I'm going to be a hedge fund manager. Yeah? Well, I'm headed to Hollywood!

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

'Wow. He looks great for 5!'

"To what do you attribute your longevity."

"Who made this mess?"

'No-I am NOT warming the pot!'