Teen Humorist Gifts

Pick Your Own Zits.

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

"Today I found out a teacher can call on you even if you have location services turned off."

"You can call me a sanitary engineer, but to me it's still taking out the trash."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"Do you really think this will work?"

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

History 101: 'This class should be easy! I've heard that history continuously repeats itself!'

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"Who made this mess?"

"To what do you attribute your longevity."

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

'No-I am NOT warming the pot!'

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."