Teenager Humorist Gifts

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

"Today I found out a teacher can call on you even if you have location services turned off."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"You can call me a sanitary engineer, but to me it's still taking out the trash."

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"Do you really think this will work?"

"Can I take out a loan for an ice cream cone?"

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

History 101: 'This class should be easy! I've heard that history continuously repeats itself!'

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

"To what do you attribute your longevity."

"Who made this mess?"

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."