Youthful Humorist Gifts

"I can't wait till I'm old enough to hold my nose and vote."

'Old age I can face - It's the thought of being forty that really bugs me.'

'Wow. He looks great for 5!'

'You need a card to prove you're a 'lad' to have that!'

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"He's an indoor cat."

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

The Devil making snow angels.

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

"You can call me a sanitary engineer, but to me it's still taking out the trash."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"There's definitely enough growing room."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

"I'm starting to look old."