Youthful Humorist Pillows

"I can't wait till I'm old enough to hold my nose and vote."

'Old age I can face - It's the thought of being forty that really bugs me.'

'You need a card to prove you're a 'lad' to have that!'

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"He's an indoor cat."

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

The Devil making snow angels.

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"I'm the Grin Reaper."

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

"You can call me a sanitary engineer, but to me it's still taking out the trash."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

"There's definitely enough growing room."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."