High School Student Humorist Gifts

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?