High School Student Humorist Gifts

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'