High School Humorist Gifts

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'It's my secret to meeting girls. It covers the odor of school bus with the smell of a new car.'

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

You can tell it's spring! Daffodils. Cherry blossoms. Birds singing. And the final tip-off

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"Marilyn Johnson does so like me! She's even got a pet name for me...she calls me a dweeb!"

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

Dwayne Ulysses High, DUH.

'So, Rick, how does it feel to be elected by your class as 'Most Likely to Be Sidetracked?''

"Another school year! Yay!"

"Today I found out a teacher can call on you even if you have location services turned off."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"