School Humorist Gifts

'My teacher says I'm an underachiever, but I think she's an overexpecter.'

'First, you have to get their attention.'

''What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' is all well and good, but this happens to be Windmill Point Elementary School.'

'I don't like to make assumptions, but something tells me they're not going to meet the required standards.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

Math story problem

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'I decided to come in today, Sir - There's nothing good on the T.V..'

'They never quit, do they?'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

"It's the last day of school. We have to clean out our desks."

Mice taking lessons.

'Can we 'dumb it down' a bit, Mrs. Whipplemore?'

'It wasn't my fault. They asked me about things that happened before I was born.'

Jerry went extinct.

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

"That's where we smoke the e-cigarettes.'

"You're not allowed to plead guilty by reason of peer pressure."

"No, that's NOT how you spell 'laugh'."

'Do you think our teacher liked kids when she was one?'

'Fluffy's first and last day as an exchange student' - "Okay everyone, playtime!"

Guidance Counselor's boxes, 'push'--'shove'.

'It just doesn't have the personality I found with human hall monitors.'

'I understand you are going to be my son's teacher this year. Let me start off by saying: I am so so sorry!'

'Sir, I failed the exam because of 248 spelling mistakes. That's not my fault! The stupid pen didn't have a spellcheck app!'

'About this time of year, I start thinking of them in the past tense.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

'You've heard of the teacher's pet. Well I'm the teacher's pet peeve.'

'No, Jacob. None of the classes this year require 3D glasses.'

"Does this mean the school's going out of business?"