School Run Humorist Gifts

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'