School Day Humorist Gifts

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

"Hey! Paper aeroplanes don't grow on trees, you know!"

"Dad, how long do I have to go to school?"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'