Back-to-school Humorist Gifts

"Yes, I know you don't want to go back to school, but you have to...you're a teachers!"

'Dad, can you just drop me off here?'

How teachers decide what school supplies kids need to buy.

"It's only the first day of school, but I've already fully adapted to the silence."

"I'm not ready to go back to school. I'm still exhausted from doing nothing all summer!"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Can you believe they're watching the same back-to-school ad?"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?