Back-to-school Humorist Gifts

"Yes, I know you don't want to go back to school, but you have to...you're a teachers!"

'Dad, can you just drop me off here?'

"It's only the first day of school, but I've already fully adapted to the silence."

"I'm not ready to go back to school. I'm still exhausted from doing nothing all summer!"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Can you believe they're watching the same back-to-school ad?"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'