School Systems Humorist Gifts

"I know class sizes are being reduced, but I didn't think classroom sizes would be reduced too!"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'