School System Satirist Gifts

Crowded classrooms: 'Sorry lady, no more room.'

'Sorry I'm late, but I didn't get here on time.'

Grading Guidelines.

"Well, I hope they're happy in that private school."

The Illusion of School Choice

Sleeping Students

Ethics exam cheater.

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'Think Basics.'

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Students renaming 'in' and 'out' trays with 'shake it all about'.

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."