Education Satirist Gifts

Ethics exam cheater.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

GCSE Geography by telephone

'I'm afraid Miss Johnson has lost control of her class!'

'Here is a printout of the results of our recent standardized tests and here are the same results printed with a very small, hard-to-read-font, to make the implications less obvious.'

The Artificial Intelligentsia

Silence - Exam in progress. 'Invigilating is not what it was...'

"Make it quick. I'm busy allocating resources."

'We're no longer called 'Children', we're called 'Age Disadvantaged'!'

'My teacher and I have irrenconcilable differences.'

'She's suspendered from her previous school.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

A Law student sees a class entitled Celebrity Law 101

"Sorry, this is NOT a school, it is a university: we have an entrance exam..."

"You're a persistent truant! Have you no ambition?"

"He's not here to keep someone from breaking in. He's here to keep students from breaking out!"

"Was it a large class? By the time the teacher called the roll, the class was over."

"Lot 541, the last A Level Art History Syllabus, frame and dated, what do I hear bid. . .?"

"It's true that I'm overdrawn but the bribes for improving coursework marks are coming in now!"

"I'd like a rebate because I don't intent to be attending any lectures..."

"An A-plus in plagiarism! I am so proud of you darling!"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

'I went to a real tough high school -- Our Junior Businessman club used to knock over liquor stores.'

'Topping it all off, parents now want us to see if we can bring in UN Peace Keepers.'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."