Educational Satirist Gifts

'I presume you're the substitute teacher?'

Teacher trying to hammer knowledge into child.

"Yes, you did get a C minus, and no, I don't have malpractice insurance."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

Boys are boys and girls...?

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

Pirate school.

Smacking Machine.

"If the board cuts our budget any more, I'm going to have to start stealing the kids' lunch money."

"If you opt for our premium package Ryan will only have tenured professors."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"Ms. Bain really lost it today."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"You want a hand-written report? But my pen doesn't have spellcheck."

'Think Basics.'

'I failed 'insemination'.'

'...And now a word from our sponsors...'

'I chose 'Superintendent' for Career Day and fired all the math teachers.'

"Grandma, this is now how some schools say obey the rules."

Medical School

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

'This homework is a disgrace. I'd like a note from your computer.'

"Today we're going to learn to deal with rejection."

"Is there anything I can do for extra credit, like give you money?"

Ethics exam cheater.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."