School Satirist Gifts

"I wouldn't worry about his communication skills...grunting is quite normal at his age."

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

"And before you mail your valentines, please make sure your attorney reviews the sexual harassment waiver."

Teachers' Support Group...Formerly Teachers' Lounge.

"I can't believe a mother was jailed because of her kid's truancy."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"My composition is called 'Mrs. Torrence Is a Big Fat Idiot.' "

"Unruly, talking back, lack of respect...and that's just the parents."

'Reading, writing, and arithmetic? Why wasn't I told of this?'

Praise better than scolding: 'Having set the school on fire, well done for calling the fire brigade.'

"Bad news. The press got a hold of your kindergarten paste eating scandal."

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"We're using analytics now for our teacher evaluations, and it seems your exit velocity at dismissal time is the highest in the school."

"My whole class is undermedicated."

'Tom passed a major bench mark today. His official file is now taller than him.'

'Don't imagine you can get away with everything just because you're the only kid who isn't playing truant!'

'I was quoted out of context!'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

A teacher sits in front of a blackboard that advertises various school subjects as being for sale.

"I was nominated to be class president but I dread the confirmation hearings. I hope they don't bring up my questionable behavior in pre-school."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Strange that every teacher crossed out the original comment and wrote XLANT!

"Illegal or not, I'm pretty sure they pray in there."

"Before I begin, everyone must sign a non-disclosure agreement."

Suggestions/Humble Opinions

'No. I left my watch at home along with my freedom.'

'Morning Headmaster ... er, I think we may have a knife problem in the school.'

"He's only got 2 brain cells and one of those is on the blink."

"Our school gives individual attention too...like at the Principal's office."

'It's the new guidance counselor. He's lost.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I think the school climate is changing because of all the principal's hot air."

'The risk of rope burn alone should be enough to get this banned.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'