Schoolhouse Satirist Gifts

'There was a lot of excitement at school today — the Student Council voted itself a pay raise.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

Back to school: The Horror,

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

Rapunzel as a child.

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'Think Basics.'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'