Schoolhouse Humorist Gifts

'I'm Ms. Hunt. You access me by raising your hand.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'