Schoolyard Humorists Gifts

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."