School Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'I'm pretty sure I'll forget everything I've learned this year during vacation. Otherwise, there's no point in coming back every year.'

'Please excuse Harold for not having his homework. His internet service provider's servers were down and he couldn't connect to his online homework helpline.'

Glue teacher about scissors student: 'I really feel like he's about to cut class.'

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'I turned down the job as hall monitor - no benefits.'

Water spurting from boy's ear while he drinks from a fountain

'Next time your lamb follows you to school Mary, you're going to Juvie.'

'I wolfed the math homework right down, but the science project made me woozy.'

"... So, let me get this straight. You're telling me that your school is downsizing and they had to make you redundant?"

"Here's my report card. . . I'll be staying with friends for a few days!"

"Sometimes while eating in the classroom, I think about writing a children's book, which would begin, "Once upon a time there was something called a teachers' lounge. . .'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'