School Humor Lover Gifts

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"

'Who would've thought Ms. Kent was following our tweets?'

'We'll discuss your misbehavior in a moment Billy, but in the meantime, why don't you help yourself to a nice piece of candy?'

'This is not the seating plan your teacher left me.'

School Open Day - all my staff are depressed, the catchment area's terrible, I've sent my own kids private. 'You know, you can be too open, headmaster.'

'Because my students have to be reminded constantly.'

'I hate taking a test without an eraser.'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'They aren't even tall enough to reach the doorknob, Ms. Dickson.'

'I knew we were in trouble when she said, 'Good-morning-I-hope-you-had-a-nice-summer-my-patience-is-wearing-tin'.'

'I'm just filing a grievance.'

'I really don't like it when we're listed in alphabetical order: I'm always last...'

'This backpack thing is getting completely out of hand.'

Firmware Update

"I would like to run for class president but the vetting process might disclose that I faked sleep during nap time in pre-school."

'It's not my fault! All day long it's English, Math, Science, History and not a single minute dedicated to cheating.'

Teacher's Pet Shop

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

'I'm just trying to keep pace with the plummeting test scores of my fellow students.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

'If you get the paper finished and handed in on timem then you won't have to worry about me hounding you for years to come.'

'If the school can send in substitute teachers, how come we can't send in substitute students?'

'You're getting paid to be here and I'm not and you're questioning my commitment?'

Coffee making instructions in the teacher's lounge.

'Due to budget cuts, our school is not distributing report cards. They are available online for download. Luckily, I'm the only one in my family that is computer literate, not that I'll make changes or anything...'

My child is an honor student at Glasslicker Elementary School.

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

"But I wasn't even born when all that stuff happened!"

"My problem is, I can't tell a good example from a glaring example."

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

'The teacher told me I should solve my problems like an adult...so, I've resigned from fourth grade.'

"Your teacher didn't EITHER put out a burn notice on you!"

"I can't be late for school today, Mom I'm a key witness!"