School Humorists Gifts

"OK, who can tell me why it's important to know stuff."

'I'm sick of history - is there never an end to it?'

Principal's Office. And then I said "if history repeats itself, can't I just pay attention the next time it comes around?"

'I understand that Mrs. Doan is retiring at the end of the semester.'

'I got one tough kindergarten teacher. You have to check your cell phones at the door.'

School. It looks like this report card came out of a 3-D printer!

"You must be the teacher's pet!"

'There can be such a thing as too much parental involvement.'

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

'He's doing so much better, lugging that backpack to school, since we started him on steroids.'

"Laugh if you want, but I have my phone in here."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'