High School Humorists Gifts

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 31. Have your friends find part of your Hot Wheels collection in your locker.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

Back to school: The Horror,

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

Mice taking lessons.

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'