High School Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Don't worry about my old boyfriend. I just sent him a 'Dear John' text message.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

Billy strip: help with homework.

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

"Exactly how long were you home schooled?"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."