Schoolyard Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Upon returning to school, none of the boys could help but notice how much Allison had developed over summer vacation.

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Teacher's pet dog

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

"Exactly how long were you home schooled?"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'