Schoolyard Banter Enthusiast Gifts

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"Recess does things to a man."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

The Charge of the Kids

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

I miss recess!

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

'John... is that a collar?'

'I know it hasn't any wheels...They're still in the pencil.

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

'How do you like school?'