Backyard Banter Enthusiast Gifts

"Just a heads up, Jack – I've invited the Navy to use my back yard for bombing practice."

'John... is that a collar?'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"How?"

'Times sure have changed. When I was your age, I made them from scratch.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

Leaves drop from trees and bounce off a trampoline.

Human males marking territory.

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

"She said they were going out back to look for dinosaurs."

'It really is nice to eat out once in a while!'

"Well, I'll be darned. It does come with its own creature."

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

Know-it-alls

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

Blackbirds.

"If she's going to be off school for a while, we need to make sure she's not stuck in the house all day."

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

French Cricket.

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'