Backyard Banterer Gifts

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Bubble Gum Farms.

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Beer Garden Kit

Leaves drop from trees and bounce off a trampoline.

'Times sure have changed. When I was your age, I made them from scratch.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

I know they told me not to bark

The Tardis Shed

'John... is that a collar?'

"Well, I'll be darned. It does come with its own creature."

'It really is nice to eat out once in a while!'

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

"She said they were going out back to look for dinosaurs."

'Jenkins, when was the last time you cleaned out the barn?'

"If she's going to be off school for a while, we need to make sure she's not stuck in the house all day."

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."