Backyard Comedian Gifts

Gardening for Beginners

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

'Looks like rain. I'm finishing for the day!'

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Jim Morrison Goes Camping

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Deer about to cut rope of gun being lifted to hunter in tree.

Beer Garden Kit

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'