Schoolyard Comedian Gifts

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

Bad Papers

"Don't worry — I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

Careful Dad, you're turning my teacher red.

'I love, love, love your mother's sense of humor.'

A Puppet Named Juan

Ethics exam cheater.

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'But I digress...'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Your rule about no yelling out in class...that's a violation of my 1st Amendment rights!"

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'