Schoolyard Humor Gifts

A good school report at last...how much did it cost you?

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Recess does things to a man."

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

The Charge of the Kids

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Teacher's pet dog

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

"Exactly how long were you home schooled?"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student