Schoolyard Chuckler Gifts

'The exams were under water, below c!'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"Recess does things to a man."

The Charge of the Kids

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

"No, Bobby, I won't put you on my do not call list."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

'What does surrender mean?'

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

'He's been like this ever since he found out that he's a Rare Breed ...'

What teachers want to say.

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"It was a professional hit..."

Shadow

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"Sounds like a lot of 'EIEIO' to me!"

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

We only follow one star round here, buddy!

'Cold hands, warm heart,' my ass, thought Bessie.

Upon returning to school, none of the boys could help but notice how much Allison had developed over summer vacation.

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

I brought two #1 pencils.

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Good morning, class. I'm Ms. Gardener, and I know how you feel. My mother made me come too.'

'Pillow fight!'

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

'I love, love, love your mother's sense of humor.'

A good school report at last...how much did it cost you?

"Who would've thought Ms. Eliot had so little sense of humor?"

"They're fake, when I get to school I'm telling everyone that I have evolved."

"I love a man with an untrimmed crust."

'She's a gifted child.'